Faith in the Fallouts

Happy Sunday! I wanted to make a disclaimer that this is a more vulnerable post. It is probably the most direct I have been about my life since I started this blog. My intention here is not to gossip, but rather to show how the Lord is working in my life, in the hope that it will reach at least one person also struggling with their faith, and resonate with people.

A few months ago, I was broken up with. He wasn’t just my boyfriend, either; he was my best friend. He knew me better than most anyone. I didn’t expect him to leave, which is part of what made the ending so disorienting. There wasn’t some dramatic buildup or a single moment that explains everything-just the end of a relationship that had shaped my life for over a year. I don’t share this to relive it, but because it marked the beginning of a season where I had to meet myself again.

I didn’t lose myself when I was with him; in a lot of ways, I actually grew substantially. That’s another reason why the breakup itself came as a shock to me. I thought the Lord was going to continue to use him in my life, not take him away, having me question what I did wrong.

I was so angry at God. I didn’t understand why He would take away my best friend, and why He would put him in my life at all, only to take him away when it felt like I needed him most. I was even more angry when my relationship with God started to plummet. My prayers started to become quiet the longer we’d been broken up, and eventually they stopped completely. I was no longer reading my Bible, and I wasn’t getting the help I needed. I just sat and felt sorry for myself, wondering why God would take something so significant in my life away if it was only going to lead me further away from the Lord.

What’s funny is I still don’t completely understand it, and I may never will. But that is what trusting God looks like. Knowing that there is not always going to be an answer to your questions, but there is always a reason for what seems like God taking away.

The shift I have written about before on here. About a month ago, I wrote about how I was at a Bible study with a few friends, both of whom I look up to. They told me that sometimes God puts people in your life for a season because that is when you need them, and He takes them out when you need to grow. I knew that was God talking through them. It was the first time I had heard God in months, and it felt surreal.

Since then, I have still been asking God questions, but with the understanding that they might not be answered. So, I also thank God for how much He has allowed me to grow. In that relationship, and also after it.

These past five months have been the hardest of my life, but also a time of growth. God has shown me that the seasons do really change on purpose, and there is purpose in the change.

Have the best week! And remember you are so, so loved.