Faith in the Fallouts

Change is one of the few things that is completely unavoidable. And, unfortunately, also something I have never been fond of. No matter how tightly I have tried to hold on to certain things, people leave, seasons change, and what once felt permanent slowly shifts into something unfamiliar. Sometimes change arrives silently, and it can almost go unnoticed. Other times, it crashes into us all at once, leaving us disoriented and grieving what used to be.

There is a specific kind of ache that comes when people leave. Not always because they want to, and not always because something went wrong, but simply because life keeps moving. It is painful, though, to realize that someone who once played a daily role in your life now only exists in memories.

I once thought change meant failure. If something ended, that had to mean I did something wrong. I could’ve tried harder, or I didn’t love someone well enough. But this is not always the case.

I had the hardest year of my life last year, but for a while it was also the best year yet. It is scary, but also kind of exciting, how quickly life can change. How instant something can happen that can completely alter what you thought your future would look like. This is where I started to lose God. I thought I had things figured out. Relationships, a future career, school. I thought I knew what my perfect future was and did not once ask God if it was right, because I thought He had just given it to me because it was perfect.

The story of Job is proof that sometimes God allows us to go through trials, filled with change, not because of something we did, but because He is God. And everything He does has a purpose.

Maybe the purpose of change is not to take things away from us, but to make room. Room for new growth, new understanding, and new versions of ourselves. Or maybe you don’t quite know the purpose yet. And that is ok too. I am not sure why I am going through half of what I am, but change is inevitable. My goal now is to be less afraid of change and, instead, let it be a reminder that God is growing me and shaping me into what He wants me to be.